She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
