Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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