we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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