I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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