Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
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