i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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