I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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