Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
