they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
