her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
