you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
