Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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