It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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