is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
