those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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