i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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