They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
