It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
