im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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