Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize