Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
the gays at disneyland are vicious
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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