found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize