I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
