He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
