First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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