I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
