well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
