This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
And then my night got REAL pukey
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
