yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
operation have a gay friend backfired
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
