Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I FOUND THE LEGS
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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