I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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