"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize