Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize