i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
