She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
