we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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