Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
