Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
