I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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