I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
