Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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