Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
