She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
