I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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