then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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