Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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