Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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