my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
