I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
