I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
