I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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