I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
