so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
