My first STD was from a foam party
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Be still, my beating vagina.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
