i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
