Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i wish my penis had a tongue
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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