FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize