Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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