yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My ass is underappreciated
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
