Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
