don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
