Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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