I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
