I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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