I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
