The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
