I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize