Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
