im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
