??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
