Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
