Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
