oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
