hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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