Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
