Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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