Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
