I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
