All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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