Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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