Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
