forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
