DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
