If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize