We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
