Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
