yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
