It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
did you just send me my own nude
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