If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize