good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
