Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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