Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
