The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize