remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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