paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
