I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
