did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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