Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
