By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize