Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just had sex on a roof
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
